Self EsteemLife can be tough enough without the added baggage of low self-esteem, yet many suffer from this debilitating condition without really knowing it. Often times all they will feel is that they can never quite ‘get there’ – there being the life they dream of in love, work, money etc or feelings of being good enough.

Self-esteem is a word that has been bandied around for years. Search the net and you will find many self-esteem definitions: confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect; pride in oneself; self-respect. You may even have your own definition. My personal favourite self-esteem definition is ‘feeling good enough in one’s own skin that no-one or nothing can take you out of it.

Exploring the Concept of Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is a dual edged concept, the higher your self-esteem the more you are able to build another’s self-esteem, the lower your self-esteem, the higher the potential to impact another’s self-esteem negatively.

Self-esteem is a major factor for success in life, healthy relationships, happiness, health and inner fulfilment. Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves and our behavior and how we treat others clearly reflects those feelings.

For example someone with high self-esteem will be able to:

  • act independently
  • assume responsibility
  • take pride in accomplishments
  • tolerate frustration
  • manage set-backs
  • handle positive and negative emotions
  • positively boost others self-esteem
  • delight in others successes
  • easily offers assistance to others

On the other hand, someone with low self-esteem will:

  • be co-dependent
  • take things personally
  • begrudge another’s success
  • be unable to manage set-backs
  • put others down
  • feel unloved and unwanted
  • blame others for his own shortcomings
  • be unable to tolerate a normal level of frustration
  • put down his own talents and abilities
  • be easily influenced

Self-Esteem Checklist

Go through the following list and on a piece of paper mark Y if the statement is true for you. N if the statement is false for you.

  1.   Y N I am able to discuss my good points, skills, abilities, achievements, and successes with others
  2.   Y N I can assert myself with someone whom I believe is violating or ignoring my rights
  3.   Y N I am content with who I am, how I act, and what I do in life
  4.   Y N I am not bothered by feelings of insecurity or anxiety when I meet people for the first time
  5.   Y N My life is balanced between work, family life, social life, leisure, and spiritual life
  6.   Y N I respond as opposed to react to others and situations
  7.   Y N I am able to connect easily with significant others in my life
  8.   Y N I easily take risks without feeling a victim or resentment if it doesn’t work out the way I thought it would
  9.   Y N I am satisfied with my level of achievement in my life
  10. Y N I am a good problem solver; my thinking is not clouded by irrational beliefs, fears, or thoughts of blame and resentment
  11. Y N I am able to manage conflict without feeling a victim or the need to put another down
  12. Y N I rarely, if ever, have irrational thoughts or fears
  13. Y N I am able to praise/recognise others strengths, qualities, and good points
  14. Y N I am able to accept compliments or recognition from others
  15. Y N I do not rely on others for positive feedback
  16. Y N I am conformable in my own space without needing the company of others to make me feel better
  17. Y N I am able to tolerate frustration and manage set-backs
  18. Y N I am able to handle positive and negative emotions
  19. Y N I can laugh at my mistakes
  20. Y N I can take positive criticism without feeling inadequate or not good enough

If you circled N for 5 or more of the questions it is possible your self-esteem needs a boost.

Simple Ways to Improve Self-Esteem

How to increase your self-esteem

Relying on another to boost your self-esteem is not only unreasonable but it is a form of co-dependency. Healthy options for the self and others is personal self-esteem-boosting such as:

  • Turn blame, criticism, resentment around (towards self or others) with a positive opposite
  • Set boundaries, personal boundaries teaches others how to treat you
  • When you hear negative comments in your head, tell yourself to stop
  • Do something special for yourself at least once a week
  • Hang with those that feel good about who they are
  • Laugh everyday – at something or nothing
  • Give yourself three compliments everyday
  • Make a list of the stuff you’re good at
  • Try something new, take a risk
  • Ask for hugs, give hugs

How to help others to increase their self-esteem

  • Set boundaries, personal boundaries are healthy and it teaches others to do the same
  • Accept others for who they are minus criticism or the need to change them
  • Communicate positively, minus put-downs, assumptions, telling or yelling
  • Treat others as deserving and celebrate their successes and uniqueness
  • Ask questions; how they feel, what are their dreams, if they need help
  • Take the time to listen, without comment, advice or your own story
  • Practice the art of unconditional warmth, love, and caring
  • Compliment, praise and give recognition for who they are
  • Laugh with them about something or nothing
  • Give them a hug

Extra Help

Getting that extra bit of help can assist in shifting causes of low self-esteem such as trauma, abusive relationships or childhood issues. There is help without lengthy counselling sessions through hypnosis. It is safe and non-invasive without having to journey back into the pain of the past.

Roland James is an experienced Hypnotherapist and he has helped people to overcome, lowered self-esteem thus, assisting them to restore relationships and confidence towards a new-found sense of positivity and personal success.

Find out more on how hypnosis can help you with self-esteem and to be confident and believe in yourself.

Call now and receive your FREE 15 minute consultation07 5500 5573. You will be amazed at the difference hypnosis will make to your life – it is your time to achieve the life you want to live!


Information in this article is for educational purpose only, and should not be used in place of medical advice. Please consult your doctor if you are concerned about your health, mental and emotional well-being.